She sat straight up, wiped her face, swallowed hard, squeezed his hand and told him he could go. She told the nurse she was going to throw up. She said nothing as she blew past me and straight to his bedside to hold his hand. I told her that he was going to stop breathing. I explained what was happening, that he couldn’t breathe, that there was a gurgling in his throat and it sounded like he needed to clear it but couldn’t. I told her I would stay in the hall with her. The night Chad passed, I told Kaitlyn she didn’t have to go back into the room to watch him die. That’s what it means to me, and clearly what it means to my kids. You see, after his valiant fight with his disease, his badge number has become synonymous with strength, courage and hope. I started thinking about the meaning and it was so much deeper than just numbers. I couldn’t think of a more beautiful tribute. For those of you that aren’t up on your Roman numerals, that’s 1-4-9, which was my husband’s police badge number. ‘I IV IX’ placed delicately on the top of her foot. We talked about the tattoo her older sister, Savanna, got a couple of years ago.
Even with that reasoning, I still struggled with it. We talked about it and she told me that she wanted to get a very small, very appropriate tattoo to honor her dad, who passed away from cancer when she was 13. What was her reason? What did she want? Was she trying to impress her friends? Was she just following some trend? So when my teenager asked me for one, trust me, I thought about it. I’m pretty sure that most teenagers, and some adults, who are tattooing what’s cool to them now won’t love it forever and will eventually look at it with regret. I think the problem nowadays is anybody can walk into a tattoo parlor anywhere and get whatever fancies them at the time, which is great until the meaning behind it loses its relevance. Warriors did it to commemorate their battles, and to honor those who have fallen. In fact, some cultures still view it as an actual rite of passage. “I let my 15-year-old daughter get a tattoo, and no, I don’t care what anybody has to say about it.ĭocumenting important events in the form of a tattoo is nothing new.
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